In business, politics, and personal relationships, attention is a currency. Some give it in measured doses, then withhold it not because they’re busy, but because they know its power. Used this way, it sets the pace, keeps others guessing, and rewards or punishes without a word.
On social media, this dynamic is amplified. Likes, mentions, and reposts can be handed out like coins, or withheld like sanctions. Some do it deliberately, shaping perception and maintaining mystique. Others do it out of habit, forgetting the human weight behind every interaction.
Often, it’s learned. Families, teachers, bosses, or past relationships teach us that love, approval, or acknowledgment must be earned. Over time, it becomes a strategy: “I control the tap; I control the value.”
Healthy connections, personal or professional, don’t work this way. Attention isn’t a bargaining chip. It flows naturally, without being rationed to maintain dominance or keep someone in a low-grade state of uncertainty.
Why It Works
Humans are wired to respond to unpredictability. In psychology, this is called variable ratio reinforcement, the same principle that keeps people pulling slot machine levers. The more uncertain the reward, the more focus we give to the one holding it.
The Cost
Scarcity cuts both ways. It can command respect, but it also breeds resentment. Over time, people see the pattern and disengage. In personal ties, warmth cools to distance.
The Real Power
It’s not in shutting the tap. It’s in letting it flow without fear of losing your impact.
How to Reclaim Yours
- Name the game: Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
- Detach the value: Someone’s attention isn’t proof of your worth.
- Redirect your currency: Invest your time, energy, and ideas where they are matched—not rationed.
- Match emotional investment: Consistency isn’t loyalty if it’s one-sided; it’s just supply.
- Spend it wisely: In the wrong hands, attention is control. In the right hands, yours, it’s connection, respect, and impact.
